We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
