I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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