and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
