Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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