Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
