My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
