I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
