I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just google imaged poop.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
