Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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