i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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