Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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