probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
