did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
