i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
4 words: hood of his car
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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