Capitaan dildo arrescate!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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