Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
