she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
