my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
