the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
