You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
