Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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