i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
