you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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