either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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