mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
