In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
