Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
