these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
