What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
