he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
