The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
