you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
