so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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