I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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