I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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