It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
