yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
