Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
