Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
