He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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