I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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