Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i've created a new STD.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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