She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this will be a night to untag.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
