apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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