Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
