I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
