What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
