Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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