did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
