Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
