bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
