Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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